Americans Gearing Up For Only Time Of Year We Talk About Black People
Columbus, SC – Americans of all races are beginning to prepare for the only month a year the country discusses
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Culture
Struggling Parody Writer Unsure If Anyone Has Done A Pete Davidson Joke Yet
Santa Fe, NM – Desperate to submit a quality story, struggling parody writer Nick Sands is openly wondering if anyone
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Local Man Awakes To Find Devolved Society Communicating Via Color Squares
Omaha, NE – Local man Kris Hammond awoke from a deep sleep confused to find all of society communicating in
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New Year’s Resolution Dieters Praise Biden Economic Policies
Denver, CO – Americans across the country are using social media to thank the Biden Administration for helping them keep
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Realtor.com Replaces Neighborhood Crime Data With Area’s Favorite Movie Genres
San Francisco, CA – Real estate website Realtor.com has updated their mapping features to no longer inform buyers about neighborhood
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Justice Roberts Again Asks Sotomayor To Turn Down Television While They Do Court Stuff
Washington D.C. – For the third time this week, Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts has been forced to pause
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Police Departments Update Motto To “Everybody Takes A Beating Sometimes”
St.Paul, MN – Police departments in cities across the nation are updating their longstanding motto of “To Protect And To
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Local Man’s 2022 Diet Plans Already Off The Rails
Sacramento, CA – Area man Doug Couch admits his ambitious goal to lose impressive amounts of body fat in 2022
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Chicago Records 1 Millionth Murder Of 2022
Chicago, IL – Today officials announced that Chicago has surpassed 1 million murders for 2022, seven days into the new
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Confirmed: Betty White Hated Your Specific Political Beliefs
Los Angeles, CA – Reporters from The Daily Bystander have completed multiple interviews with grieving members of the late Betty
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