This Time Of Year, Parents Struggle With Right Age To Tell Children Covid Vaccine Isn’t Real

Biloxi, MS – As the holidays quickly approach, once again parents of young children ponder what the right age is to inform their young ones that (despite the abundance of stories everywhere), the Covid-19 vaccines are not, in fact real.  Parents are often forced into these uncomfortable situations as children naturally pose questions upon seeing reports about vaccinated people still getting the virus and an endless need for follow up boosters.

For Allison Wheeler of Biloxi, Mississippi, one thing that helped her daughter Katie accept the truth about Pfizer’s work was carefully building up to the revelation.  Wheeler recounts, “We prepared her for this conversation last summer. We sat her down and calmly revealed how there is no such thing as ‘social security’.  Once you pull that curtain back, it was easy for her young mind to grasp the absurdity of a magical trillion-dollar fund that our incompetent government would leave untouched for decades to deliver checks to old peoples’ accounts at night.”

When Allison recently informed Katie about the vaccines, she was predictably confused and didn’t understand why everyone was so adamant we continue to pretend they work.  “Well, they’re a nice thing to do still, they make people feel good and safe.  And they do marginally lower the risk of serious covid symptoms, probably.”

A somewhat shell-shocked Katie tried valiantly to hold on to a world where covid vaccines are real: “Mommy, what about those kids in my class that got the vaccine and then got covid and didn’t get very sick.  Doesn’t that prove they’re real?”  While Wheeler wanted to concede the fairy tale to her young daughter, she patiently replied “Honey, that’s because no kids your age were ever at any risk in the first place, statistically speaking.  I know that kinda takes the magic out of it, I’m sorry.”

While the conversation was difficult, it went as well as Allison could have hoped.  Katie’s last question was if Dr. Anthony Fauci was even real.  Wheeler stressed that Dr.Fauci is based on a real person who loves viruses very much.  However, the tales that he knows what he’s talking about have been greatly exaggerated over the months.  While satisfied with the impromptu answer, Wheeler admitted, “I didn’t dare tell her what he did to those poor animals guiding his research.”