New Year’s Resolution Dieters Praise Biden Economic Policies

Denver, CO – Americans across the country are using social media to thank the Biden Administration for helping them keep their New Year’s diet resolutions in check.  The hashtags #ThanksJoe and #BidenSavedMyDiet began trending, as those desperate to lose weight appreciate the helpful Democratic economic mismanagement that have left grocery store shelves barren.  “Usually by this time of January, my diet plans have already been forgotten.” stated a triumphant Megan McDale. “But in 2022, it’s so easy to not eat the things I should be avoiding.”  Fellow dieter Manuel Titus agrees, “My willpower this year is incredible.  I’ll think about a favorite snack I’m craving and I’ll immediately warn myself: ‘I can’t!’ because I literally can’t.”  To further help those seeking a healthier lifestyle, the Biden administration has also made sure the prices of groceries have skyrocketed to further discourage any type of binge eating or any other kind of eating.  This magnanimous effort by the administration follows the praise they received by Christians over the holidays, for leveraging this same strategy to reduce commercialism from overwhelming that sacred time of the year.