Tchaikovsky Music Banned After Refusing To Denounce Putin

Saint Petersburg, Russia – The classical music of Russian composer Pyotr Tchaikovsky has been banned throughout the western world after the famous musician refused to denounce Russia’s invasion of neighboring Ukraine. In a hastily thrown together news conference in front of his grave site, reporters peppered the headstone with multiple opportunities to speak out against his homeland’s aggression. Tchaikovsky’s grave remained stoic and silent, leading many to correctly infer he fully supports the murder of Ukrainian children by flamethrower. “We gave him every chance to get on the right side of history.” reported CNN’s Whiney McGee. “And before some Putin-bot cries that Tchaikovsky has been dead for over 120 years; yeah we know, but denouncing our new object of hate should take precedence.” Now that the west has been protected from Tchaikovsky’s wicked overtures, they’re already pivoting to another Russian cultural target. “I rented Rocky 4 tonight and I swear, if Ivan Drago isn’t wearing the colors of Ukraine, Rocky Balboa will be the least of his problems.”