Evan McMullin Calls Beta O’Rourke to Brag That He’s Already Finished With His Concession Speech

Salt Lake City, UT – Independent Senate candidate Evan McMullin called his liberal counterpart in Texas, Beto O’Rourke, to brag that he just finished his concession speech and now has his entire Saturday free.

McMullin informed O’Rourke that he might even take his sweet drone out and “just check out the neighborhood” this afternoon, now that he’s put the finishing touches on his “it was a moral victory” comments he plans to give after being thoroughly beaten by opponent Mike Lee in the upcoming Utah Senate election.

Beto, responded with a curt “good for you” before hanging up the phone, realizing he will be stuck inside all day writing his consolation speech for his hundreds of supporters based on the wide margin by which he’s expected to lose to Governor Greg Abbott of Texas.

After wasting the entire summer going shopping at the mall and skateboarding, O’Rourke has reportedly begun to consider recycling old concession speeches he used from one of his previous losses or trying to just “go up there and wing it”.

The soon-to-be failed candidate’s thoughts were eventually interrupted by a text from McMullin showing the Utah candidate posing in front of his Kia Forte with the caption “Off To Find Some Hoes”.