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IN OTHER NEWS

Xbox Begins Banning Anyone Caught Playing Tetris
Country With President Currently Waiting In His Underwear For Great Pumpkin Worried Putin Is Crazy
Ukrainians Find Note From Biden Inside Empty Weapon Crates: “You Think Deer Have Kevlar Vests LOL?!”
Video Games 

Google Offers To Pay Travel Expenses For Stadia To Procure Abortion

Politics 

Biden Mocks Russian Sham Annexation Election Attempt As “Amateurish”

Sports 

Browns’ Myles Garrett Involved in Car Crash, Claims Shoulder of Road Used “Racial Slur”

Video Games 

“Updated for Modern Audience”, New Splinter Cell To Include 54 Different Vision Modes

RECENT NEWS

Video Games 

Grand Theft Auto VI Hack Reveals Major New Game Character: Hunter The Crackhead

Elder Care 

Next Jurassic Park Film Will Feature Dinosaur Escaping Handlers And Sharing Unvetted Opinions

Business 

Amazon Now Offering Free 2-Day Delivery Of Pregnant Employees To Abortion Clinics Nationwide

Law & Order 

Court Ends Abortions So All Children Have Opportunity To Enjoy These Wonderful Pfizer Vaccines

Culture 

Women Scrambling To Get Pregnant So They Can Abort Child Before Supreme Court Ruling

Social Media 

Facebook Demands Everyone Write Hateful Things About Russians For Two Minutes Each Day

World 

Tchaikovsky Music Banned After Refusing To Denounce Putin

Americans Desperately Trying To ID “Star WNBA Player” Russians Claim To Have Detained

Ukraine Peace Talks Stall After State Department Demands Putin Make Out With Dude On Live TV

Arsonist Brags About Orphans He Saved From Fire He Started

Xbox Begins Banning Anyone Caught Playing Tetris

Country With President Currently Waiting In His Underwear For Great Pumpkin Worried Putin Is Crazy

Ukrainians Find Note From Biden Inside Empty Weapon Crates: “You Think Deer Have Kevlar Vests LOL?!”

Fans Scouring Phase 4 Marvel Movies For Russian References So Disney+ Will Remove Films

Model UN Students Horrified To Discover They’re The Actual United Nations

Sneak Peek: Biden Nails State Of Union Address By Triumphantly Soiling Himself