Nation Stunned To Learn Childless Cat-Moms Don’t Know What’s Best For Your Child’s Education

The nation remains in a state of shock to discover that childless cat-moms apparently don’t know what’s best for your child’s education. Surveying the army of unhinged, non-productive pet parents that helped make critical decisions about Covid policies and closing schools for years, real parents have begun to seriously question if they should have left the educational decisions of their children to these people.

While no parent can question the absolute devotion these blue-haired, public servants have for their child’s educational growth, some are beginning to wonder if there might be a connection between studies showing massive drops in student educational metrics and how they had to sue their local teachers union to force them to return to work.

The stunning revelation has opened the door for even more possibilities for parents of young school children to consider. “I mean, if the single, tattooed, nose-pierced kindergarten teacher shouldn’t be the single source of truth regarding my child’s learning, I’m not sure who to trust.” confided worried parent Amy Kotesz. “I’m even starting to wonder if that man in the dress doing a strip tease during school lunch isn’t entirely there for our kid’s benefit either?!”