Google Announces New Pixel X Phone That Invents Racist Events For Users

Mountain View, CA – After recently declaring phone cameras racist because they didn’t adequately capture black people in low light and dark environments, Google is proudly announcing the upcoming Pixel X: the phone that invents racist events for its users. “Previous phones didn’t want to talk about how racism is everywhere. Our new phone makes sure our users see racism anywhere. At Google, our motto is “If it’s not racist, then you’re not looking hard enough.” While the typical phone will provide users with hundreds of standard messages; only the Pixel X leverages those opportunities to demonstrate how horribly unfair the world probably is. For example, when a low battery message is produced, it also helpfully asks “Did a white person unplug your phone during the night?” When no wifi network is detected, it helpfully suggests that “Those crackers can detect wifi I bet”. The Google store has also been updated so the price of every app makes a general mention of greedy Jews or Koreans. The Google maps app made specifically for this phone features helpful symbols where white supremacists probably live. However, early beta feedback has indicated the vast number of symbols block easy views of the roads, land or even the planet itself. Another addition Google engineers are particularly proud of is the “Running Late For Racism” feature. If the phone detects you’re late for a meeting, it will autosend a random text to co-workers like: “Running late – getting beat up by white hicks wearing MAGA hats — be there soon.”