Local Man Awakes To Find Devolved Society Communicating Via Color Squares
Omaha, NE – Local man Kris Hammond awoke from a deep sleep confused to find all of society communicating in a devolved language consisting of only color squares. A bewildered Hammond is now frantically trying to calculate how long he slept. “What year is this? Are my parents still alive? Did the machines force this language upon us after conquering the planet? Did the Bengals beat the Titans?!” While scientists had long predicted the eventual downfall of human languages as our written format contintued to decompose into neanderthal-like single syllable abbreviations and emojis, even they would be shocked at the speed these new pictographs have supplanted written communication. “Are greens boxes vowels and yellow consonants?! What was in that NyQuil?!”