Chicago, IL- – In a hastily thrown together news conference in front of the lifeless body of a decapitated babysitter, serial killer doll Chucky emphatically denounced the offensive language used by former Raiders coach Jon Gruden.
The demon doll responsible for the brutal murders of over 60 people deeply now regrets allowing the media to connect his work with the likeness of the recently revealed bigot. In front of an uneasy media, Chucky explained: “I felt the need to publicly affirm the Chucky brand proudly stands for the cold-blooded murder of innocent people and in no way supports inappropriate comments made in private emails. I mean, we as a culture need to draw the line somewhere.” The statement was briefly interrupted by gurgling sounds from his latest victim, which prompted the “Good Guy” doll to produce an oversized butcher knife from his toddler overalls and violently hack at the victim while ribbons of blood sprayed everywhere.
“In conclusion, our society has no place for that kind of hate and the next time people see me clubbing an elderly woman to death with a yardstick, I truly hope they’ll just enjoy the vicious homicide and not think about some ugly things said by a sick individual with a passing resemblance to me.” With that, the pint-sized psychopath revved up a miniature chainsaw and laughed maniacally as he charged the audience.