Police Departments Update Motto To “Everybody Takes A Beating Sometimes”

St.Paul, MN – Police departments in cities across the nation are updating their longstanding motto of “To Protect And To Serve” to the more progressive mantra: “Everybody Takes A Beating Sometimes”.  The idea was spawned during last year’s trial of Kyle Rittenhouse, wherein state prosecutor James Kraus uttered the now famous phrase to suggest why the accused use of lethal force was illegal.  “At the time I thought the usual whiners like BLM or at least the national media would go crazy about that, but they said nothing.” explains Lieutenant Frank Devlin, who initiated the process to change the motto in his hometown of St.Louis. “I mean, here is a sworn officer of the law saying its inevitable citizens of a civilized society are going to be eventually assaulted.  It got me thinking: hey, I’m a sworn officer of the law too.”  Law enforcement in cities with rampant crime have rallied behind the new motto, calling it a liberating moment for their profession.  “It works on so many levels,” explains Officer Pete Metters of Atlanta. “When we get complaints about taking our time responding to a domestic assault call, we just shrug and remind them everyone gets slapped around sometimes.  Better yet, as viral videos emerge of us putting some gangbanger through the hood of our car; out comes our magic saying.”  Policing experts say this simple change in motto and subsequently expectations could revolutionize police work.  Some have pondered how the country would be different today if the Minneapolis Police Department’s slogan had simply been: “Everybody Can’t Breathe Sometimes”.