Local Man’s 2022 Diet Plans Already Off The Rails

Sacramento, CA – Area man Doug Couch admits his ambitious goal to lose impressive amounts of body fat in 2022 are already completely derailed one week into the new year.  From the outset, observers noted the plan’s low chance of success; with its strict measures requiring Couch to swear off all sugar “forever”, to performing full-on fasting of solids every Tuesdays and Thursdays.  Doug himself admits ‘The Plan’ (carefully crafted parameters he had created within an Excel spreadsheet on December 30th) had additional flaws. For example, the process featured a requirement that Couch consume 47 liters of water a day, while in practice he only ever managed to consume 0.  The immediate failure discouraged Doug, but never the quitter, he has vowed to launch a refined and even more aggressive ‘The Plan 2.0’ in 2023 now that this year is lost.