NBA2K Announces New 2023 Player Rankings, Which Ones Are Secretly Gay
Game developer 2K recently announced their highly anticipated 2023 NBA2K player rankings, including which players are secretly gay.
Appearing on ESPN’s NBA Today, 2K digital marketing director Ronnie Singh revealed which players overall offensive skills garnered the top league rankings, including how players scored in the NBA2K “Gay Ratings” for the upcoming season.
Players were reportedly excited how gay they had been rated for 2023 and if their attempts during the offseason would convince 2K designers to reward them with even higher gay scores.
Singh explained that the gay algorithm used to determine ratings considers multiple variables. “You can’t just increase the amount of times you slap a teammates butt above average (BSAO), sure that helps, but we’re looking at a lot more. How gay are you dressing for press conferences? Maybe you’re a little too dainty dunking the ball. When you go to the bench, you ‘accidentally’ sit on a teammate’s lap a little too often, a little too long. It all adds up.”
Singh revealed that one NBA player made a huge jump in gayness from last year. While not revealing the player by name, he did provide intriguing clues: “I can only say he considers himself an aspiring rapper who was once caught with an unregistered handgun.”
2K also took the occasion to announce that they made the difficult design decision to remove the gay ratings from the WNBA mode, as all 2023 players ended up garnering a perfect score of 100.