Amazon Now Offering Free 2-Day Delivery Of Pregnant Employees To Abortion Clinics Nationwide

Seattle, WA – In response to the upcoming changes in national abortion laws, Amazon has pledged free two-day delivery of pregnant employees to abortion clinics nationwide. “We’re delighted to offer this quick, convenient service to our female employees,” states Amazon spokesperson Karsen Maddox. “We’re even more delighted to get them back just as quickly into our warehouses, doing what they do best: working for us.” Amazon, known for their innovative efficiency advancements is already pondering a future where drones could deliver the birthing person to extraction sites or perhaps an even brighter tomorrow where abortions are performed in the Amazon warehouse itself, thus enabling a birthing person to terminate a life while still not falling behind on their order fulfillment quotas. “This is a win-win for everyone.” reiterated Maddox. “The employee has a problem solved and Amazon doesn’t have to pay for costly pre-natal care, maternity wards or subsequent health benefits. Everyone wins, except I guess that baby…thing.”