DC Comics Announces Highly Anticipated The Death Of The Superman Franchise

Burbank, CA – After years of carefully building the narrative foundation, DC Comics announced the highly anticipated and inevitable The Death of the Superman Franchise.  Skeptics note DC has “killed” the Superman franchise before; specifically with the 1987 Superman IV movie, only to bring him back later in comics and new films.  However, DC assures its fans: there is no coming back from the situation they’ve crafted for the “Man of Steel” franchise this time.

Fans suspected this ending for the fabled Superman franchise after various mediums over the years increasingly portrayed him as dark, pessimistic and often villainous.  But the terminal direction for the franchise’s storyline became clear as Superman’s son abruptly began fighting for social justice causes interspersed between make-out sessions with his new boyfriend.  “This is an important story to stop telling,” said DC creative director Jim Lee, “I get the fan’s skepticism, but trust us, this is as dead as a franchise can get.”

Initially, DC had planned for a cavalcade of guest writers to bury the 80-year old franchise and ensure the iconic character is not done justice.  Alex Kurtzman, J.J. Abrams and Kevin Smith have all shown interest in delivering Superman storylines sure to send the last remaining fans fleeing.  “Kevin already submitted a story about Lois Lane having Doomsday’s baby and Superman being forced to raise it. After a series of panic attacks, Superman and the Doomsday baby return to Krypton to live with Supes’ parents or something.” recounts DC creative contributor Kim Roberto, “Honestly I couldn’t understand everything he was saying through all his crying, but it sounded incredible.”

Ultimately plans for a final story to exterminate the franchise were cancelled, for fear that even a terrible story would still provide long-time fans with closure over a hero they have admired since childhood.  “That would be against everything the Superman franchise we’ve ruined stands for.” Roberto stated decisively.  Instead, the last words the world will ever hear from the Superman franchise will be a single tweet that DC feels crystalizes their stewardship over The Man of Steel:

A fitting end to a white man who thinks he’s super