Mayberry, NC – The parents of young Tom Taylor sadly informed him that his beloved dog Happy went to live in a 6 part miniseries upstate, where he’ll be even happier. Fighting back tears yet maintaining his trademark smirk, the precocious boy wondered why Happy had to leave. However his parents didn’t have the heart to tell him Happy “left” because Tom didn’t put in any of the creative effort needed to keep Happy “with them”. “He’ll be super happy up there, free to run around gay and woke and without things like fans or sales to worry about.” explained Tom’s dad Jim. When the youngest Taylor asked if Happy will be lonely up there, the parents nimbly reassured him that all of his classmate Sana Amanat’s pets were also there to keep Happy company. Although devastated at the loss of his best friend and all they’re adventures together being interviewed on CNN, Tom took the news like a big boy. Later that night, Tom woke to the sound of his dad in the backyard burying hundreds of boxes labeled “unsold copies” with a rented backhoe.