Court Ends Abortions So All Children Have Opportunity To Enjoy These Wonderful Pfizer Vaccines

Washington, D.C. – A recent leak suggests the Supreme Court plans to end constitutional protections for abortions, so that “all children have the opportunity to enjoy these wonderful vaccinations our friends from Pfizer have given us.” Writing for the majority, Chief Justice John Roberts stated, “It’s absolutely imperative we all get these critical Covid vaccinations and subsequent monthly boosters. Abortion prevents the most vulnerable of us all from doing their part in keeping us all safe.” Abortionists had submitted a compromised solution of injecting the fetus with the miracle vaccine from Pfizer before the abortion process tears it apart. However, lawyers from the abortion industry were unable to answer pointed questions from the bench regarding how dead fetuses, with parts dismembered and sold for profit, would still be able to take part in the wonderful boosters that Pfizer has prepared for all of us in perpetuity.