Washington, D.C. – A tense moment unfolded in the powerful hallways of the White House, as the group of faceless staff members that control everything President Joe Biden says and does relinquished the keys of executive power to the group of anonymous staff that control everything Vice President Kamala Harris says and does. This transition of power lasted for approximately 150 minutes while medical professionals stuck their fingers up the President’s oval orifice.
While the temporary transition of power between unaccountable staff has become routine in the recent history of our country, the moment is still noteworthy as it was the first time the unelected staff of a female was in charge of the worlds largest superpower (although historians debate whether Eleanor Roosevelt’s staff actually managed the country for years).
Because of the constitutional questions the situation creates, the transfer is required to occur in front of the staff who controls the strings of Chief Justice John Roberts. If something were to happen to the assistants manipulating Vice President Harris, the Constitution demands presidential duties would be passed to random team members piloting the husk of the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi.
While transitioning centralized power between large groups of people might seem like a logistical nightmare for Secret Service protection efforts, security insiders disagree. “The Secret Service doesn’t even bother guarding these staff members, they even use their real names as “codes”.” revealed one administration source. While potentially reckless, the Secret Service’s apparent theory is: “worst case, someone kills one of these countless staff members. Oh no, wherever will we find another bossy, Ivy League graduate ready to tell Americans what’s wrong with them?”