Xbox Begins Banning Anyone Caught Playing Tetris

Redmond, WA – The Xbox Live gaming service has begun banning anyone caught playing the Russian-made Tetris puzzle game, which will undoubtedly demoralize Russian troops as they continue their advance into neighboring Ukraine. The move follows in the footsteps of parent company Microsoft and other tech companies removing any trace of Russian characters from their products. While Tetris was created almost forty years ago by emigrated-Soviet engineer Alexey Pajitnov, players enjoying a Russian product without thinking its creator was Hitler was too much of a risk for the consoler maker. “Often in life there is a lot of gray area or matter. Not this time, it’s perfectly black and white: anything Russian is evil. Anything Ukrainian is good. Absolutely no gray matter happening here.” remarked Xbox spokesperson Dargie Poodle. While fellow game maker Electronic Arts has also decided to remove all Russian teams from their sports franchises, not all have followed suit. The popular Call of Duty war series by Activision prominently features Russians as the games’ main antagonists. Activision has decided to not remove the scenes of brutal Russian atrocities (like the infamous “No Russian” level from Modern Warfare 2), in case members of Congress and other propagandists still wanted to pass those clips off as real-life scenes from the current conflict.