Kyiv, Ukraine – Ukrainians in desperate need of assault weapons to prolong the fight against invading Russian troops were disappointed to discover recently delivered crates of US military hardware contained only a note from President Joe Biden stating “You think deer have kevlar vests LOL?!” While discouraging to read as the sounds of Russian gunfire drew steadily closer, the gathered citizens conceded his well-crafted point. “He’s right, small woodland animals does not carry ballistic protection. Why would person need gun to overcome this little creature?” stated Volodymyr Reznikov as a Russian shell exploded overhead. The Ukrainian defensive positions had been holding strong against Russian aggression, but many citizen-soliders had begun to quit defending their homeland after learning of a wisdom Biden previously had declared: “if you think you need to have weapons to take on the government, you need F-15s and maybe some nuclear weapons.” Reznikov recollected while scattering to avoid Russian gunfire: “Since we don’t have F-15s or nuclear weapons, there’s no point sending us guns in first place.” Volodymyr’s last comment to reporters before running for his life was if Biden did encounter “deer with kevlar vests”, please send them Ukraine’s way as they would be super useful right about now.