Kenosha, WI – Visible confusion swept across the jury in the sensational Kyle Rittenhouse homicide trial, as Detective Oliver Wiggum testified about the results of his investigation. “I just assumed there were no police officers in Kenosha, since people were freely attacking innocent civilians and lighting buildings on fire.” said confused juror Stephanie Reynolds.
One juror asked the officer for clarification, trying to help resolve the collective confusion of his fellow jurors: “So because of the violent rioting, Kenosha decided to hire a police force afterwards, so this wouldn’t happen again?” However, this only added to the bewilderment when the jury was informed the police department had existed since the founding of the town almost 200 years ago.
The exasperated judge finally instructed the jury to allow the trial to continue after he was forwarded a written question from the group: “We the jury, feel the confusion here lies in differences with Wisconsin’s regional dialects. In our part of the state, the words “cop, police, etc” are used to define professionals responsible for enforcing laws and protecting citizens. What is the Kenosha word for that type of thing?”
Afterwards, juror #4 Kevin Morrison expressed sympathy for the judge’s desire to not let this point of confusion create a logjam for other awaiting cases, “We need to move on. If they’re convicting this kid for protecting himself, I can’t imagine how many more trials are still pending for all those defendants on video attacking folks and burning everything.”