Inquiry Into Utah Giving Black People Preferential Covid Care Finds No Evidence Of Black People

Salt Lake City, UT – The Utah Department of Health reports their investigation into claims they are using racist policies to give black people preferential Covid19 treatments to be false, as there is no supporting evidence of black people.  These findings rebut a recent report from Fox News’ Tucker Carlson, who revealed a Utah scoring system giving healthy blacks more ‘points’ than white people suffering from actual known Covid comorbidities.  “The moment I heard it, something sounded fishy to me,” states Larry Smith, a member of the UDOH investigation.  “Not the point system, that totally sounds like something we would do.  Anything to get people to like us more.  But targeting black people?  What black people?”  Indeed, after removing the Utah Jazz from their models, Smith’s team was unable to find anyone receiving this preferential treatment.  Former Presidential candidate and Utah native Evan McMullin is calling for action: “If someone would please elect me to anything, anywhere; I vow legislation to bring more blacks to the state of Utah so we can then give them preferential treatment.  Again: any office, I’ll take it.  Really.”  Utah governor Spencer Cox agrees: “It’s our duty as Utahns of faith to convince blacks across the country to move here, tearfully apologize for the racist way we would have theoretically acted previously and offer special medical considerations as penance.  I’m willing to go as high as 4 points on the Covid scorecard for each black we can find.”