Denver, CO – After decades of lamenting the growing over-commercialization of the Christmas holidays sacred to Christians the world over, the Democrat party has delivered a special gift just in time for the giving season. Christians are rejoicing as thoughts of the immaculate birth are no longer overshadowed by reasonably priced gifts sitting on overflowing store shelves.
Grandmother Jeannie Howland of Littleton, Colorado agrees: “Thanks to the Democratic destruction of the economy, we’re returning to simpler times of giving homemade gifts from the heart. Knitted socks from Grandma don’t look that bad now when compared to nothing.” As minds are forced to pivot away from staples like wealth and abundance thanks to intentional policies based on leftist theories, many faithful hope children will learn that hanging out with distant relatives can be just as fun as any Xbox.
Pastor Ron Colvelle praises Democratic work in raising prices for goods that no longer even can be found. “Parishioners are finally returning to church worship this sacred time of the year, because apparently it beats sitting around an empty tree.”
Colvelle is even more excited about what the near future may hold: “What better way to remember the humble birth of our savior than to relive the very conditions of his birth? With Democratic plans to scrap energy production on top of what they’ve already given us, many Americans will celebrate this Christmas with few material goods and probably huddling in a cold, dark building…just like baby Jesus!”