Washington, D.C. – While much of the civilized world are moving away from mask mandates, officials in the Biden White House are doubling-down on the effectiveness and value of their masks made of checks written from Pfizer. The masks made by the American pharmaceutical empire have proven to be incredibly effective in keeping out some airborne particles, data, logic, constitutional pleas, the cries of suffering citizens and at times even the Covid19 flu. “I’ll keep wearing my mask because it’s a simple way to show I care about the health of others, especially Pfizer’s and that kick boxing classes and margaritas aren’t cheap.” said White House spokesman Jen Psaki. “Wearing a mask made from the various checks Pfizer has sent me is so easy to do! How dare selfish adults complain about mask mandates. Even my kids love wearing their Pfizer check masks, as it ensures they don’t get grandma sick and that they’re getting that new pony next Christmas.” Psaki derided small business owners and others not willing to do their part for the health of community members with several payments left on their boat.