Boston, MA – The American Medical Association today announced their updated clinical definition for the condition known as ‘Long Covid’ to encompass whatever symptoms the patient says they are experiencing at that moment. The needed update has long been petitioned for by hysterical college-age women across the country. The exact new definition for the illness that occurs after an individual has seemingly recovered from the SARS-CoV-2 pathogen now reads: “Long Covid Symptoms: Whatever You Just Said You Had…Yeah, That Thing, That’s Exactly What We Were About To Write Here”. While the dynamic, almost mythical nature of this ailment can be difficult to treat, multi-national pharmaceutical companies are excited to try. “It’s been said there is no limit to human imagination,” declared Pfizer marketing manager Pam Silva. “At Pfizer, we couldn’t agree more. There is no limit to the potential revenue in treating this exciting, new frontier of totally real inflictions and their vague list of symptoms.” While the afflicted are grateful for the AMA’s acknowledgement of their ethereal conditions, they have already begun lobbying for a secondary update to also include Long Covid sufferers who have never contracted Covid.