Study: Vaccinated Avoiding Holiday Meals With Liberal Family Members By Claiming To Be Unvaccinated

Ann Arbor, MI – A study by the University of Michigan sheds light on a growing obstacle for health officials in determining vaccination rates against the Covid 19 disease.  Results indicated people are lying about not being vaccinated to avoid holiday gatherings with liberal family members.  Fresh from dealing with unvaccinated citizens obtaining fake vaccination cards so they can continue to enjoy freedoms guaranteed in the Constitution; researchers are now facing a different problem: vaccinated people tricking authoritarian members of their family into disinviting them from seasonal events.

Rory Anderson of Lansing, Michigan, a faux anti-vaxxer describes his motivation: “I get to stay home, take a nap, watch football instead of listen to stories about their cats or some scientific theory they heard from Stephen Colbert.  And the best part: I didn’t even have to reject the invite.  I was “forced out” by our family’s moral hall pass monitor.”

While the growing number of Americans faking non-vaccination has caused havoc on heath analytics, professionals worry this number is potentially set to multiply. As a large subset of previously vaccinated individuals witness the inconsistencies from health professionals and the ineffectiveness of the original vaccine itself, they may become too embarrassed to admit they even got vaccinated in the first place.  CDC spokesperson Rachel Bugiardo details the problem: “We’re in the middle of a perfect storm, where the people vaccinated and pretending they’re not could soon outnumber the people who are vaccinated and pretending they are safe from a virus that wasn’t really a threat to them in the first place.  These are some really pretend scary times.”