Starbucks Lobbies White House To Mandate All Americans Try New Vaccine-Flavored Macchiato

Seattle, WA – The global coffee chain Starbucks has begun lobbying the Biden Administration to mandate all American’s try their new vaccine-flavored macchiato.  Starbucks is confident the rich, earthy aroma combined with just a hint of spike protein is the perfect ‘good morning’ to customers everywhere.  Starbucks’ strategy is based on the belief that soon American’s will be starting each morning with a daily booster; why not combine that with their other daily booster?  While the corporation is quick to highlight their robust macchiato is not designed to protect customers from Covid19 like the vaccine does, let’s be honest: it probably does protect customers from Covid19 like the vaccine does.  The move to mandate the novel beverage came after Starbucks executives questioned, in the words of COO John Culver: “…why are other mega-corporations like Pfizer able to force their daily sedative on frantic, busy bodies but we can’t mandate ours?”  Starbucks’ lobbying efforts appear to be making progress within the White House, as their proposed marketing slogan is winning administration members over: “Just Try It Once America, That’s All We Ask…Until It’s No Longer Once And We’re No Longer Asking”.