Fake Meat Industry Announces Nation’s Supply Constraints Won’t Impact Product Availability
Tulsa, OK – As Americans struggle with the dual threats of inflated prices and shortages of goods, leaders of the fake meat industry anticipate no scarcities of their products this holiday season. Visits to local area supermarkets confirm plant-based meat product shelves remains fully stocked, with resupplies happening so efficiently that one might mistakenly think nothing has been purchased in months.
While scientists behind the meat-ish yield can not control rising prices, they believe their product’s patrons are already naturally geared towards accepting increased costs. “We’ve built in an expectation that if you’re going to feign caring about the planet or animals or whatever more than your neighbor, you need to pay a little more.” states IncrediCarne CEO Manny Titus.
“We’re extremely proud of how we’re prepared for shortage situation like this.” Titus declared. “By engaging in the creation of a faux meat artifact, we start from day one by self-limiting our appeal to normal humans. This allows us to ensure a steady and reliable stream of meat commodities to our stores nationwide.”
Of course, if runaway inflation and limited supply of real meats can not convince Americans to try the engineered food material, mandates may become necessary in the future. “It remains our last card to play, but one that may be needed. The truth is we can’t hope to save our planet, feed an ever-growing global population and efficiently dispose of the homeless without a mandate to buy our foodstuff.”