Washington, D.C. – As a heartbroken nation continues its search for Gabby Petito’s suspected killer: Brian Laundrie, members of the nation’s armed forces are eager to join the effort. “We’re all deeply impacted by the tragic loss of ‘America’s daughter,’” stated Defense Secretary Lloyd Austin. “We’re proud to announce the launching of Operation #ForGabby, which will begin military search efforts primarily in the nation of Iran.”
Flanked by Joint Chiefs of Staff General Mark Milley, Austin declared their “rock solid” intelligence indicates that fugitive Laundrie is presently hiding in various major cities within the Islamic Republic of Iran. His sporadic movement across the terrorist-sponsoring nation however will require enhanced search capabilities. “Traditional tip hotlines and manual searches move too slow, we will be deploying a search battalion featuring forward air strikes and motorized vehicle deployments to adequately support ground search troops.” confirmed Miley. Search attack units will need to move quickly as intelligence sources indicate he may soon move to Iraq, Afghanistan or possibly even North Korea. “Of course, there is no place we won’t follow Brian, for Gabby’s sake.” Milley proclaimed.
Asked for timelines or planned drawdowns of foreign search efforts, General Miley pledged to the Petito family that: “we will be in these countries until we find him or reasonably believe he’s died of old age. We owe it to Gabby.”