Americans Desperately Trying To ID “Star WNBA Player” Russians Claim To Have Detained

Washington, D.C. – Upon notification the Russian government has detained a “star WNBA basketball player”, the American government has frantically failed to ID who that might be. Even close coordination with WNBA league offices have provided no clues as to which player, past or present, might come close to matching that description. Some intelligence officers have suggested the news was part of a Russian psy-ops to distract western agencies from focus on activities within Ukraine. “If the Russians had just said “we’ve detained a WNBA player’, we could then reach out to each lady at their second jobs and determine who was detained through a process of elimination. But by adding the baffling qualifier ‘star’ WNBA player, we believe the news was ultimately meant to stall and distract.” confided an anonymous intelligence officer. Others theorize the addition of the ‘star’ label was an attempt by the Russians to inflate the value of their prize, as they accurately assessed no one would care if a WNBA player or even the entire league disappeared. “Regardless, we’re continuing to chase down all leads on this mystery ‘star WNBA player’. Is it possible the Russians have LeBron and think he’s in the WNBA? I mean, hey…I get it.” If anyone might know the identity of a WNBA player that would be loosely considered a ‘star’, they are encouraged to contact the State Department immediately.