Country With President Currently Waiting In His Underwear For Great Pumpkin Worried Putin Is Crazy
New polling data suggests Americans are increasingly concerned how President Biden will deal with a potentially insane Vladimir Putin, once the Commander-in-Chief returns from his night long stake-out waiting for the Great Pumpkin to appear. Exacerbating an already tense conflict within Ukraine, State Department members wonder if Biden can cease chatting with his imaginary rabbit friend long enough to determine if the Russian president is demonstrating cognitive decline. Observers are especially troubled by reports that Putin has isolated himself in a basement, disappearing for days at a time and when he does eventually reappear, refuses to take any questions from reporters. Pentagon officials have begun modeling the dangers of an unstable adversary controlling nuclear launch commands, like the ones that President Biden recently carved into his leg with a dinner fork. As the world holds its breath and hopes Putin can still be reasoned with, President Biden echoed the sentiment before returning to his make-out session with a White House marble bust of Grover Cleveland.