Biden To America: “You Once Called Me A Warped, Frustrated Old Man”

Washington, D.C. – America, demoralized from record high inflation, soaring crime rates and overbearing Covid regulations; found itself before “Old Man Biden”, the meanest, most powerful man in town, begging for help.  Biden had previously dismissed America’s pleas to preserve its founding principles ensconced in the Constitution as “sentimental hogwash”.  As he put it: “The founding fathers were not politicians.  Oh I don’t mean any disrespect to them, God rest their souls.  They were men of high ideals.  So-called.”

Biden highlighted he was elected with a supposed mandate, even though he’s “an old man and most people hate me.  But I don’t like them either so that makes it all even.”  America reiterated the opinion that most people would say he stole it, Biden retorted: “The envious ones say that.  The suckers.”

When America desperately pleaded for temporary relief, Biden took the opportunity to sadistically remind the country: “Look at you. You used to be so cocky. You were going to go out and conquer the world. You once called me ‘a warped, frustrated, old man’!”  Biden continued with his rant, “You’re worth more dead than alive! Why don’t you go to the Europe you love so much and ask them to help you? You know why? Because they’d run you out of town on a rail. But I’ll tell you what I’m going to do for you, America. Since the FBI is still here, I’m going to swear out a warrant for your arrest.  Refusal to get vaccinated, interrupting school board meetings, trespassing on government property…”. As the country fled Biden’s presence, he called out: “All right, America, go ahead! You can’t hide on a little planet like this!” 

Later that evening, America reappeared at Biden’s window shouting ‘Merry Christmas’, to which he responded tersely: “Happy New Year to you, in jail. Go on home, my upgraded IRS agents are waiting for you!”