Mayfield, KY – As President Joe Biden departed on a tour of midwestern states heavily damaged by recent tornadoes, staff members report he is eager to finally visit parts of America that were ravaged by anything other than his own administration’s policies. “It was just a great feeling for him to touch down and see the widespread misery and suffering and know, for once, this wasn’t the direct result of one of his terrible decisions.” a member of the presidential entourage relayed.
Aboard Marine One, observing the overwhelming damage caused by something other than his team’s indifference for the American people, Biden repeatedly checked with his staff that they in fact do not “control tornadoes and didn’t somehow create this mess.” Biden has felt misled before, like when he was erroneously assured they had nothing to do with an Afghan family of ten being vaporized by a predator drone.
Free of any blame, Biden felt liberated to move among the devasted survivors and reassure the brokenhearted that he, in fact, had nothing to do with any of this. However, staff warned him to only speak about the direct destruction from the tornado and not pivot towards comments about future plans for the cold winter or how they will celebrate Christmas. These topics would easily segue into questions about massive inflation, supply chain issues and rising energy costs; all catastrophes demoralizing the rest of the nation and empowered by his administration.
“This is why Joe Biden was elected president.” declared a senior White House adviser. “His empathy and ability to connect with those in pain is unparalleled. Obviously, that’s easier to showcase when he’s not the source of all that pain. I wish we could have non-electoral college disasters every day.”