Los Angeles, CA – The NBA took swift steps Friday evening, fining Los Angeles Laker forward LeBron James for an obscene gesture made before game tip-off. “The Gesture” as it’s now being called on social media, saw James stand at attention and place his hand over the approximate location of his heart during the playing of the national anthem.
“We want to apologize to the Laker faithful”, reassured Lakers’ general manager Rob Pelinka, “fortunately, with this being LA and the game minutes from beginning, there was only a handful of fans present to witness this grotesque act.”
The NBA was immediately besieged from offended corporate and international sponsors. A repentant NBA commissioner Adam Silver ensured Chinese partners the NBA remained fully supportive of not supporting America moving forward. The relationship between the league and their Chinese associates was already strained, as Celtics center Enes Kanter “accidental” injury is taking longer than the NBA originally promised.
“LeBron James is a role model for this league.” stated an NBA spokesperson. “What if kids watching that start to think: “Hey LeBron doesn’t hate America….maybe I shouldn’t either?” Perhaps if LeBron had actually attended college, he would better understand how bad this country is for black millionaires.”
The fallout from The Gesture will only continue for the NBA, as one anonymous NBA insider glumly conceded, “We’re gonna have to host an open try out for Colin Kaepernick now, aren’t we?”