Palm Beach, FL – Citing sources inside his inner circle, former President Donald Trump was gifted a multi-year subscription to the hiring site Indeed.com for Christmas. With Trump entertaining ideas of running for President in 2024 and his presumed competition currently in hospice care, staffers felt it was a prudent gift given how administration hires fared during his first term in office. Indeed’s sleek, unified dashboards will certainly help a newly elected White House fill hundreds of vacant roles; hopefully with people who won’t be publicly fired a week later on their way to becoming a CNN contributor. While team members don’t necessarily recommend Indeed.com over other competent hiring sites, at this point “anything has to be an improvement,” per one source.
Staff members plan to work with the President as he sets up his account and runs future candidates through each step of the hiring process. This usually entails a review of an applicant’s qualifications and then an in-person interview loop. “During the first term, we kind of did all that backwards,” admitted a former administration official. “They would meet with the President as step one, he would declare them ‘fabulous’ and then we would finally take a look at their actual qualifications and loyalties around the time their tell-all book tour began.”
The resumé keyword search functionality can allow Trump to expand beyond preferred terms like ‘loyal’, ‘incredible’, ‘tremendous’ and ‘not a loser’. In addition, this time through, they can screen more closely for red flag terms like ‘BLM’ or ‘socialist’ or even ‘I hate Donald Trump’. “Yeah, this time…let’s try to filter out more of those people. If someone’s resumé references ‘government servant’, just setup an auto-rule to delete those immediately. The last thing Washington D.C . needs more of are those people with unlimited power and $500K jobs who think they are performing as ‘servants’ to the rest of us.”