Soros Develops Weapon To Erase Everything Progressives Said Yesterday On Social Media

Volcano Island, East Pacific – Intelligence reports indicate evil billionaire George Soros is putting the final touches on a satellite weapon that will erase everything progressives wrote on social media accounts the previous day.  This diabolical scheme eradicates the long-standing enemy of radical progressives everywhere: themselves and what they said yesterday.  Meddling capitalist pigs have frequently hindered Soros and his red army’s march towards their authoritarian goals by simply showing the world they said the exact opposite thing yesterday on various social media accounts. “Think of the power in their hands to have a Hollywood star like Leonardo DiCaprio declare we have 9 years to save the planet from climate change and there were no photos of him yesterday flying his private jet to Europe for dinner?” stated an unnamed CIA source. “Take it further: what if there was no proof of any of the 40 years of failed climate predictions? The left would be unstoppable.” The weapon’s diabolical possibilities have been so popular, Soros has instituted a queuing system to determine who’s past progressive statements get erased first. “Since Covid, the inquires about when the machine will be ready for use have been non-stop. We get about 4-6 calls from Anthony Fauci alone each week.” reveals Soros spokesperson Nick Nack. “As the pandemic comes to a close, we expect to see a sharp spike in even Republican politicians begging us to erase any public comments they made supporting lockdowns and mandates.” With the weapon nearing completion, intelligence officials are sounding the alarm: “We could all see this coming,” admits an unnamed CIA field agent, “Nothing is a greater threat to progressives than history.”