Departing Jack Dorsey Breaks Down Realizing He Could Have Banned More Conservatives

San Francisco, CA – As Twitter CEO and founder Jack Dorsey departed the social media empire, he broke down in tears with the realization there were so many more conservative users he could have banned.  Loyal Twitter staff rushed to support him as the knowledge he allowed millions of opinions different than his own to be shared freely physically overwhelmed him.

As a car awaited to take him from the San Francisco headquarters, Dorsey sobbed, “I could have got more.  I don’t know, If I’d just….I could have got more.”  Longtime assistant Vijaya Gadde comforted Dorsey: “There are eleven hundred conservative sites censored because of you.  There will be generations of people who’ve never been exposed to an opposing point of view because of you.”

Dorsey flipped through his phone to various websites, forums and other places people have felt free to post their thoughts, He frantically exclaimed: “Ten people right there.  Ten more people I could have silenced.”  Gadde reminded him of his role in suppressing content against candidate Joe Biden, even taking the unprecedented step of banning a United States President.  “You did so much”. Dorsey remained inconsolable even when remembering how many people he arbitrarily barred during the pandemic for contradicting the CDC, even as they were quoting the CDC.

A deflated Dorsey shuffled to his car, his mind triggering a distant memory of a single, young girl in a red MAGA hat.  He could have saved people from her and her conspiracy ideas.  “I could have gotten one more person…and I didn’t!”